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| So many times you’ve seen me fall, but see I’ve rised again You tell me that this is all, that I’m just meant to sin You push me down, push me around and try to steal what’s mine It’s finally time, I see the light, and I’m ready to walk the line. So go, go on and leave, I’m done with all the lies I believed I’ve rolled in the mud, seen enough blood, I’m ready, I know my need. I used to think that I was worthless, nothing special in me I used to think that life was life and what you get is what you see But now I got so much more, I know the truth, it’s set me free. Who I am was decided, already before I was borne I’ve been bought back, I won’t take your slack, remember Calvery? I’ve got a new meaning, a new sense of purpose, everything I am is alive I don’t carry the weight, I always feel safe, I never have to strive So Satan it’s over, it’s never been fun, I’m not letting you rob pack up and get, my fires been lit, you’re officially out of a job. | | |
| Do you ever have the strongest urge in the world to get up & go?? To a place, time or person that gives you comfort, life and energy . Its the little memories that rise up and get the best of me. Sometimes they lift me up and bring a smile to my face, sometimes they make me sad, wishing and crying inside wanting a piece of a life left behind. the faces, smells,sites and sounds of another life, another world.
If something touches your heart what are you supposed to do, forget, leave it behind? How do you deal with a burden that you don't want to give away. What will happen in 5-10 years, will that stage in my life be completely gone? What will I think when I look back -- what if I try to go back, it won't be the same, it won't be what I remember. It's as if in a period of time i enter a warp in time & space. I opened myself up in a way I never had, made my self vulnerable to things that I pushed away since I was small. Can I find that part of me again or did I shut the door harder when I realized that to love means to lose, to share means to face things that I spend years building wall up to protect.
I want to be perfect, whole, open, full of love and life. where is the person that I know I am? Will I ever find my way out of this black hole I keep falling into.
Right now, here I am, sitting in a room full of pink and green, smelling brownies and looking out the window to a perfectly manicured lawn. I have friends talking quietly in the background about their lives, their day, their likes and dislikes... it's perfect, quaint, lovely. it should be enough.
yet today I had a bad day. What is that? The devil gets me down so easy. he opens his hand and I take the bait.
I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be the one who rises above and takes head on the problems I come into and am strong enough to be the post that other's can lean on.
It's a goal--no a promise, not from me to you, but from God to me, he tells me I have victory, and so I will take it. I will overcome
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| La-La-La-La-Life is wonderful (singing on and on....) ok so the song is just stuck in my head, lol but yeah life is pretty great about now. The summer sun always makes me feel cheerful inside. Today I pulled weeds and gardened with my mom, yes on the hottest day so far this year, I litterally had sweat running down my face... lovely mental picture I know. So anyway, I am now having a fight with the printer, hoping it will eventually be nice and print for me in color, and then off to go read my book of the week (my mom's suggestion) with heather at caribu, starbucks, or someplace similar.... Hasta la pasta!! | | |
| ok, so I used to be able to blog on my xanga daily and not run out of things to say(granted I was 15). Now, my mind constantly draws blanks. But I guess the beauty of a blog is that you don't have to try, it just is. So lately life has been going a million mph. I fill up my time with summer school, volleyball, working, church stuff and of course family and friends hoping that the next week things will settle just a bit. Appartently that is not how life works and i seem to be learning that the key to a peaceful existance is learning to deal with stress. Well -- that said I have embarked on another crazy week, realizing finaly that todays become yesterdays and that what I once thought wouldn't ever come is right upon me! Katie's wedding is Friday and I just can't believe it! Looking back on my jr. high and highschool years I have great memories of our crazy fun and the carefree way we floated through life. Seeing her leave will be sad, knowing that life is changing and moving on. sleepovers and monopoly seem so far away -- but mixed with the goodbyes are promises of visits and phone calls, letters and prayers. So this crazy week, just a tad differnt from most crazy weeks... is not one I want to rush by, but a time in which I want to remeber every moment. | | |
| September 2007 "I trust," says my head, trying desperately to believe it in my heart Rest in Jesus now? this road just seems so hard. You tell me your plan is perfect, that all your ways are true, That when every ounce of strength is gone I can trust in You But in this moment, here right now I want to be depressed Concentrate on my dispare and not your holiness The sky is blue, the sun is warm for all else on the earth But in my heart, my mind my soul, all I feel is hurt So Lord come here adn touch my life and give me Faith and Grace Cause on my own I can not shake these feelings of dismay I trust, I trust, I trust write my pen I believe it more this time I say it out loud again and again I trust -- A choice, a decision, and finaly.... A reality. Read more... | | |
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